My Keylime

When Boo was around a year old people started asking Moose and I when we were going to have another baby.
I was 3 when my brother was born, and all I remember was being pissed.
Not only was it a boy (I specifically remember asking for a SISTER), but it was a blonde haired, blue eyed boySUPER special in my family of dark-haired, dark-eyed people.
I packed a suitcase and asked my parents to call a taxi so that I could go live with my Aunt Barbera-who had 3 daughters.
…remembering that and looking at Boo I told Moose that we weren’t going to have another baby until Boo specifically asked for a sibling.
Aaaaaaaaaaand, he’d have to be okay with a brother or sister.
When Boo was three he started asking, by four he was no longer gender specific.
Over the next two years I had two miscarriages.
I wasn’t very far along, but it made me sad nonetheless.
Then Moose relapsed and my world turned upside down.
In the midst of everything I lit a candle for positive energy and recited the prayer on it:
“I am a conduit for universal energy, allowing me to do good and righteous things. May this pure and positive force guide my every thought and action.”
…Two weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test.
I’d like to say that everything turned around after that, but it didn’t.
Moose drank and used for three years.
Keylime was two when he finally stopped.
There WERE happy times in the midst of chaos, and finding the prayer again and looking back on the past nine years gives me an understanding of why some things happened the way they did as well as a direction to pursue from here on out.
There have been times when Keylime in the midst of a meltdown has screamed that he wishes he were dead, that he wishes Boo had never asked for a sibling, and why did I have to have him?
My darling boy…who, when he knows I’m stressed out will come up and give me an “unstressed out hug”, or will tell Moose and I “can you guys not fight right now?” (most of the time we’re not fighting just being snippy).
He truly is a pure and positive force, we just need to work on helping him realize how precious and amazing he is.
One day I hope to be worthy of him.
Asperger’s, meltdowns, growling and all…I got exactly what I prayed for.
Happy Ninth Birthday My Precious Boy!

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