…Last night before going to bed I posted on my FB my feelings about ghosts and aliens. (basically the same thing for me as spiders: “I don’t see you, I don’t freak out.”)
Simple enough.
So imagine my surprise this morning when Moose (who mistook me rolling over as a sign I was awake) woke me up to ask me “Whose Tom Y? How do you know him?”
Just some old(right around my dad’s age) dude who friended me, seems okay. Why?
“He made a comment on your status, and I wouldn’t want our boys to see it, I really can’t believe someone would say something like that.”
So I looked…I sincerely hope the guy was drunk, because I can’t imagine any sane person in their right mind thinking it was okay.
“Sounds like you’re up for anything, so how about webcam sex with a 60 year old? Lol-Gotcha!”
It took me a minute to get past the “ick factor” and begin to process. Even then, the full extent of what he said didn’t hit me.
I deleted the comment and messaged him stating though I realized he was kidding what he said really upset my husband.
He replied that I should tell Moose to “be cool, it’s just a joke.”
I responded that it was inappropriate, and that if he was married and someone ever said something like that to his wife I doubted that he’d appreciate it or see it as funny…
He then said “okie dokie-won’t happen again I assure you-tell hubby I’m going bye bye PEACE CYA.”
And unfriended me.
I was gonna let it go, but then I saw the link about the guy who sent a penis photo to a girl on a dating site and she responded by forwarding it on to his mother.
This Tom Y is a liberal like Moose and I.
You’d think someone who leans probably further to the left than I do would know better.
We don’t like to think that people who have similar views as ourselves could be so vile, and his “meh, what’s the big deal” responses probably bothered me more than the comment…(until I realized he’s 3 hours ahead of me time wise, so gawd knows how many of my friends saw his comment and blatant disrespect of me.)
With all the talk of “rape culture” and the struggle for equality and respect that women in the US are still trying to achieve, the fact that he thought his comment was okay to make in the first place just does discredit to everything he’s ever said about equality. In essence, it’s nothing but lip service.
I am a human being, a woman, a married mother of two boys.
Everyday I try to show my sons how women should be treated, give examples of how women are capable of whatever they choose, that I am a SAHM by choice.
I don’t allow disrespect or comments like “but you’re the mom” when they don’t want to do something…(and yes, Keylime tried that one-ONCE)
I watched my dad and brother sit on their asses and watch tv while my mom and I did their laundry and ironing, vacuumed, and picked up after them. It pissed me off.
After she died it all fell to me.
And they still sat on their asses, it didn’t even occur to them to offer to help.
That’s why my boys have chores, that’s why when they balk at something I ask them “Is this your home too? Are you a member of this family? Why should the work of four people to make a mess fall on one person to clean up?”
…I talked to Boo about what happened, and made him read the link about the penis photo.
We discussed why both instances were inappropriate, and when Keylime’s older I’ll probably have a similar discussion with him.
Moose and I are pretty open with the boys about our lives, our mistakes, and the lessons we’ve learned.
I like to hope that we’ve presented things in such a way that they’ll learn from example and not need to repeat them for themselves.
That they’ll never feel that so long as they follow up an inappropriate, disrespectful comment with “lol” that it’s suddenly okay.


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