Unconscious Consent

Once upon a time I started seeing a guy.
The first guy I dated after turning one year sober, (it’s suggested that you not get involved with anyone for the first year…I waited til I was almost one and a half) I really liked him. We’d go out dancing a lot, he was a great dancer. Pretty good kisser too. We got into the habit of sleeping together without actually “sleeping together”.
Usually unclothed, but never having sex.
As a matter of fact he told me “I’m just not ready for that.”
I told him “Fine, let me know when you are.”
One night I woke up in the middle of an orgasm and found him on top of me.
I guess he was ready.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t wearing a condom.
I hadn’t been sexually active so I wasn’t on the pill.
The next morning he drove me home, and I cried.
I’ll never forget the terror waiting for my period.
I’ll never forget falling asleep being told “I’m just not ready for that.”
And waking up to find out he was indeed ready and finished before I’d even had the chance to tell him he needed to put on a condom.
We stopped dating when I slammed my door in his face once I got my period.
He knew he fucked up huge, and to this day, I just don’t get why he didn’t wake me up.
Because he’s still (albeit distantly) in my circle of friends I know that he’s not a “bad” guy, just an outright idiot.
Nonetheless, Steubenville has brought this to the front of my mind…
In that instance there’s no question that the girl was raped, and I’m glad the boys were found guilty.
In my case though I don’t know if I would consider it rape-because if he’d bothered to wake me up I would have definitely consented…
I don’t know what it would be considered.
And it troubles me that there are probably lots of other women out there who have been in similar situations.
Boo knows, and Keylime will be taught that: “no means no”, and “never when she’s drunk”, but I think I’ll have to add “even if you think she’d agree, wake her up first and make sure”.



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