The Not-So-Fun-Times

When Keylime was in kindergarten he went two days a week to a Montessori kindergarten, and I homeschooled the other three.
His teacher at the Montessori was wonderful, and he gave her his best effort.  At home…all hell broke loose pretty frequently.  He absolutely refused to go to bed before 9 and I was too exhausted after spending all day screeching and fighting to do it at night too. In retrospect, that was one of my bigger mistakes because no matter what time he went to bed at night he would be up at 6am. He constantly had dark circles under his eyes.
I thought he was just a difficult kid, and as long as he would behave for the “important” people I would just have to deal.
I’d heard about Aspergers, I’d seen it in other kids, I’d even suggested it might be the answer for others based on what behaviors I’d seen in a nephew who had it.
It sat in the back of my mind, but we didn’t have health insurance, and I didn’t know how to get him tested. I figured as long as he held it together in class I’d just have to steel myself to deal with the tantrums when he got home.
At night he slept in our bed cuddled close (which usually had me sleeping on the couch because he kicked so much). I remember feeling terrible and acknowledging that “here is my little boy, the cuddle bug. He needs this closeness and the only time he gets it is in his sleep because we fight so much during the day.”  I noticed that when he did watch TV he didn’t go for the loud shows, he preferred the soft colored quiet shows like Oswald the Octopus and Max and Ruby. It broke my heart and frustrated the hell out of me because I didn’t know what I could do to change the situation.
When first grade started things went from horrible to absolutely out of control.
His teacher was a baby voiced first year teacher who just wanted to be “liked”…the kids smelled blood, and they ate her alive.
Keylime came home with even worse behaviors. Some of the kids would throw their heads back and just scream to get out of doing their work, and she allowed it… so guess who started doing that too?
As much as his kindergarten teacher loved him, his first grade teacher hated him. He became her “bad child” and spent at least half of each of the two days he was at school in the office. I was present in the classroom on two different occasions when she blamed him for things he didn’t do, and when I pointed it out she said “well, he does stuff like that all the time.”
Not knowing what else to do I pulled him out the day after Halloween and started homeschooling him. It’s not that I have anything against public schools, I was simply terrified to send my out of control child to a public school.
Most of each day involved us fighting, with very little learning actually taking place except when it came to science…he LOVED science.
He’d always said he hated me, but then he started screaming he wished he’d never been born, he hated our family, he wanted a new one. Driving anywhere involved a lot of screaming and kicking…and one day I’d had it. I snapped. We were driving and he was screaming all these things, kicking the seat in front of him, banging on the windows, and I pulled up to the hospital where he was born, parked the car and said “Here, this is where you were born. You want a new family? Get the hell out of my car and go find one!”
Silence…
Then we both started sobbing, hugging and apologizing.
I felt lower than low, I was just as out of control as my son. I was a failure as a mother. I was just like that lady on the news who made her two daughters get out of the car.
I will begrudgingly give this small credit to his horrible first grade teacher…had she been any good I could have remained in denial. Now I had to face the fact that there REALLY was something wrong.
Two days later I got an email that saved my life. I usually didn’t open the emails from a mom’s group I’d joined, they were usually happy and “our amazing kids”, leaving me looking at Keylime and feeling depressed. But then one of them came with the title “The 10 signs of Asperger’s Syndrome”.
http://www.circleofmoms.com/article/10-signs-your-child-may-have-asperger-s-syndrome-page-1-02120
It was like the heavens opened up and the choirs of angels were singing…here was my Keylime, in every one of those 10 signs was my little boy.
So now, with no health insurance what am I supposed to do?
Research…and a lot of it.
(to be continued…)

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2 thoughts on “The Not-So-Fun-Times

  1. I enjoyed this very much. I’m glad you’re writing this blog. This is a good way to document his life. You and Keylime are going to look back one day at your writings and ” smile.” ❤

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