Is the week over yet?

I’m trying not to be negative about this week, but growth is never fun or comfortable for anyone…
and this has been a week of growth and eye opening that I would’ve probably been happier sleeping through.
We’ll start with Boo…
On Tuesday he got his response from CSSSA (California State Summer School of the Arts).
We knew that it was an incredibly long shot for him to get accepted into the Animation program on the first try, particularly when they only choose one out of three applicants…
Still, it was sad when he got his letter saying “thanks, please try again next year”. They also mentioned that over 1,300 people applied for the 500 spots in the entire camp. Knowing that 799 people got the same letter made it a little easier to deal with, and now that he knows what they want he can practice and be ready to apply for next year. I think the best part of the letter was “I know you’re probably disappointed, but don’t be deterred”…made him feel good.
His self-esteem has been taking a hit the past couple months. He’s been angsty, overly cranky for no apparent reason and overly down on himself.
Thursday it came to a head and I sat him down to figure out WHAT THE FUCK is going on.
He goes to a charter school because of bullying he experienced in public school in first and third grade…we’ve had issues with a couple kids at the charter, but they’ve been nipped in the bud, and it was nothing like what he experienced at the public school.
Until (as I found out on Thursday) this past year. He’s asked a couple times to change schools but never gave me a real reason why.
Turns out there’s a kid at the charter-who was expelled from public school for having a knife in his backpack (“it was my friends I didn’t know he put it there!”) who throws out words like “fag” and “gay” as insults. Everytime I hear him, I call him on it because that’s no way to talk…I’ve also heard racial slurs come out of his mouth and according to Boo, once was in the presence of an African American boy who attends the Robotics class.
I found out that last year he kept a “Gay List”. He wrote down everyone’s name and anytime they did something that he considered “gay” they got a check next to their name. Boo and one of his friends stole it and destroyed it…the kid made another and put multiple checks next to Boo’s friend’s name. This year he screamed “Faggot!” out of his car window after school to another boy. He tell Boo “you’re so gay. You know you want me…” and other things that make Boo uncomfortable, and when Boo would respond (typically over-the-top or with cursing) he would be called “creepy” and told he’s retarded…and yet when he tells the kid what he’s saying is fucked up the kid says “I’m only joking”
He’s threatened to slap the shit out of another boy for talking to his sister and uses the boys name as an insult.
He got into a physical altercation with that boy and the Regional Director had to stop it.
When a girl was trying to remove some fuzz from his hair and he kept ducking, Boo stepped in and held his arms so he couldn’t move (yes, we had the “WTF did you get involved?” conversation.) When the fuzz was removed Boo’s head was shoved into a wall and he was told “Don’t you fucking touch me!”
His girlfriend told Boo that she’d pay money to see him and Boo make out.
Boo said he’d rather be butt raped by Satan.
On Thursday the kid started up in a text message to Boo about not talking to his girlfriend and Boo responded with “Go fuck yourself with a hairy dildo”…
Not his shining moment, but fairly creative I think.
The kid then tells Boo that he curses too much and threatened to tattle on him to me. Then he went on to say that because he’s studying psychiatry he can tell that Boo has mental problems,and is passive/aggressive.
He told Boo that cursing is an early sign of Tourette’s and/or mental retardation.
He was told that he better leave certain girls alone because their always complaining to him about Boo and one in particular (that Boo can’t stand and has nothing to do with anyways) wants to punch him in the face.
On Thursday Boo showed me all this…
I was livid…and it’s still so hard for me not to write this kid off as a complete POS loser.
Then I asked him why no one has told any of the teachers…
He said they wanted to try and handle it on their own.
I asked him if he wanted to talk to Keylime’s counselor about how to deal with this situation, and the look he gave me was heartbreaking.
I asked him “Is it because you think the Dr. will tell you that you really are retarded or have Tourette’s?
He nodded and closed his eyes.
What do you do with that?
How as a parent do you tell your child, who for all sakes and purposes is a pretty awesome person-someone you’d like to know even if they weren’t your kid, that the idiot who made him feel so bad is just that? That it has nothing to do with Boo or the other boys and everything to do with that kid’s own issues?
I responded in a text to the kid and let him know that I’m more than aware of my son’s cursing and that I would be copying/pasting everything and presenting it to the Regional Director and to the School Director if need be. I told him that I’d much rather hear cursing than “fag”, “gay”, and various racial slurs.
Then, I did just that. I copy/pasted everything, called my EF (education facilitator) and let her know what was happening, I told Boo to talk to the other boys and see if they’d be willing to tell the Regional Director (Principal), and I’m hopefully meeting with him on Monday, or sometime this week.
Thursday at midnight Boo got a text from the kid’s girlfriend “you told your mommy????”
I told him not to respond.
No matter what, I don’t want him saying anything more to either of them.
(Worst time EVER…Monday starts the STAR testing…of course)
Boo was pleased when I texted the kid, but started feeling a bit down when he realized that everything he said would also be seen…
I told him that this is why I need him to tell me BEFORE things get this bad.
Statistically speaking, we probably have at least one gay student at our school, and what that boy with his slurs has been allowed to do is create a hostile learning environment. It’s not right and it not fair.
…and it’s going to stop…
MEANWHILE…In Aspyland:
This morning Keylime decided that he needed a piece of cord.
He chose the vacuum cleaner cord, not knowing:
a) that it was the vacuum cleaner cord
and
b) that it was plugged in
Amazingly enough he wasn’t hurt, and now there’s a new rule in our house: he’s not allowed to cut ANYTHING unsupervised…
Then he got on his power wheels and almost fell into our duck pond first time out.
Moose took the two of them to a pool party for a friend that Boo’s had since they were babies.
I told him that I need to stay home today…

What it’s Like

I’ve had issues with my ears since I was a baby. I was a chronic ear infection kid, so full of fluid that when I finally got tubes I managed to get an infection behind the tube.
Over the course of the past year I’ve had frequent tinnitis and dizziness coming from my left ear. I leak fluid and for many, many years have suffered headaches that affect the entire left side of my head, neck, and shoulder…
At first I was told the headaches were TMJ, then I was told the fluid leaking was just me having “sweaty ears”…
(I know, wtf?)
So, the other day the dizziness was pretty bad.
It’s not like I can just go to the doctor, no health insurance.
So I went on webmd and typed in my symptoms.
Obviously I’m self-diagnosing,  but for now that’s how it has to be…
Anyway, all signs point to Meniere’s Disease…which in essence is a slow train to permanent hearing loss in my left ear.
It’s not rare by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not something that can be stopped.
Not sure how I feel about it, I need to do more research.
There are ways to lessen the discomfort and keep the fluid low, (eliminate as much sodium as possible, limit caffeine, take motion sickness pills)…
Nonetheless, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared and didn’t wish I had the luxury of health insurance…
Or just my Momma.

What it’s Like

I’ve had issues with my ears since I was a baby. I was a chronic ear infection kid, so full of fluid that when I finally got tubes I managed to get an infection behind the tube.
Over the course of the past year I’ve had frequent tinnitis and dizziness coming from my left ear. I leak fluid and for many, many years have suffered headaches that affect the entire left side of my head, neck, and shoulder…
At first I was told the headaches were TMJ, then I was told the fluid leaking was just me having “sweaty ears”…
(I know, wtf?)
So, the other day the dizziness was pretty bad.
It’s not like I can just go to the doctor, no health insurance.
So I went on webmd and typed in my symptoms.
Obviously I’m self-diagnosing,  but for now that’s how it has to be…
Anyway, all signs point to Meniere’s Disease…which in essence is a slow train to permanent hearing loss in my left ear.
It’s not rare by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s not something that can be stopped.
Not sure how I feel about it, I need to do more research.
There are ways to lessen the discomfort and keep the fluid low, (eliminate as much sodium as possible, limit caffeine, take motion sickness pills)…
Nonetheless, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared and didn’t wish I had the luxury of health insurance…
Or just my Momma.

Nostalgia

When I was in high school in South Carolina, there was only one college I had any intention of attending.
The Savannah College of Art and Design.
I wanted to have a career at Hallmark writing and illustrating cards.
Or writing and illustrating children’s books.
Or both at the same time.
My Junior Year I was going to apply to attend one of their summer workshops.
Amazingly, my father was okay with it. I had everything in place…
And then I found out that during the time I’d be gone, my boyfriend who was in Air Force Boot Camp would be coming home for a week before he got shipped off to wherever he would end up.
He was my world after my mom died…and I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again.
I sat on my application to the summer workshop.
I didn’t know what I was going to do.
Finally, I decided that I’d go the summer between my Senior year and College.
The day my application would’ve been due I found out that my boyfriend was kicked out of boot camp. He’d skitzed out, (or as later made sense) reacted to some bad LSD.
He was put in the mental ward and eventually sent home…
By the end of summer I was pregnant.
My father told me I wasn’t allowed to have an abortion.
My boyfriend told me I wasn’t allowed to put “his child” up for adoption…
I moved out of my dad’s house, because I knew that as much as he would prevent an adoption, my boyfriend would never come see the baby unless she was right in front of him.
My daughter was born two weeks before my senior prom.
Moose thinks that part of why I’m working so hard to help Boo accomplish his goals is because my own dreams were denied.
I think he’s right. I think that’s also why sex ed in our house is no holds barred.
If the boys have questions they get real, age-appropriate answers…no “god blesses a man and woman and they get married and have a baby” bullshit like I was fed.
And if it’s too embarrassing for them, they have resources for finding their answers.
Today I bought my first sketchbook in many, many years.
I also bought colored pencils-they’ve always been my favorite medium.
Turns out all the research into drawing and animation we’ve been doing are proving helpful for my art as well.
I might toy with taking an illustration class at the local community college this fall…
If anything manifests from there…who knows.
Dunno if I’ll even have time for the class right now.
But I tell ya, holding the pencils feels really good.

Here we go…AGAIN

Yesterday was far from a banner day for Keylime.
We were running late yesterday morning, so instead of the typical 15-20 minutes of morning playtime, he was looking at about 8.
Nonetheless, time enough for one of the kids who he’s been having issues with to give him shit.
He was looking for his friend I, when this kid J (whose in his class) started chasing him. Keylime told J to stop, but J wouldn’t. Keylime kicked J in the leg and J tackled him to the ground and scratched his neck.
I got a call from the Principal telling me Keylime and J would be having lunch in the office.
Okay.
Note to self: explain to Keylime why “telling the playground person must become second nature”.
Around noon I got another phone call from the office.
While lining up for lunch J got in Keylime’s face sing-songing “liar, liar, pants on fire!”
So Keylime kicked him in the leg again.
Now I don’t know what part of “due to his Asperger’s Keylime has impulse issues” that was made clear during the IEP meeting (that these folks decided my boy didn’t need an IEP) was missed…and we are working on it, but nonetheless.
How much shit is my kid supposed to take?
How much shit is the other kid allowed to get away with?
So when the principal called me again she asked me to come pick up Keylime for the day.
Poor kid was scared to death he was in trouble.
The school psychologist was walking in as we were walking out, and I let him know how UNpleased I am with all of this.
He went in the office, put his stuff down and walked Keylime and I to the car so he could hear about what happened.
Luckily, he likes Keylime. Thinks he’s a really neat and funny kid-which he is.
I brought up a 504 plan-which was never even brought up or offered to me by my IEP “team”…
He said he’s going to speak to his boss, the Special Ed Head, and get back to me by Thursday.
In the meantime, I was going to keep Keylime in pubic school until 3rd grade so he could get the “help and services” he needs, but since he won’t be getting any, once this year’s finished he’s going back to Charter school…and at this moment I’m even questioning allowing that.
I’m going to go by there on Thursday and have a look-see, meet the teacher, check out the kids. I am excited that the two/three day program is going to drop it’s attempt at Montessorri, and go back to regular school.
Part of me doesn’t want to send him to school today.
I’m terrified for him, I don’t want to leave him there any longer than I have to.
This whole thing is so crazy, and I’m left knowing that my decision will have lasting affects on my child’s life.
When we’re talking about my son’s future there is no way to “relax and take it easy”.

Unconscious Consent

Once upon a time I started seeing a guy.
The first guy I dated after turning one year sober, (it’s suggested that you not get involved with anyone for the first year…I waited til I was almost one and a half) I really liked him. We’d go out dancing a lot, he was a great dancer. Pretty good kisser too. We got into the habit of sleeping together without actually “sleeping together”.
Usually unclothed, but never having sex.
As a matter of fact he told me “I’m just not ready for that.”
I told him “Fine, let me know when you are.”
One night I woke up in the middle of an orgasm and found him on top of me.
I guess he was ready.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t wearing a condom.
I hadn’t been sexually active so I wasn’t on the pill.
The next morning he drove me home, and I cried.
I’ll never forget the terror waiting for my period.
I’ll never forget falling asleep being told “I’m just not ready for that.”
And waking up to find out he was indeed ready and finished before I’d even had the chance to tell him he needed to put on a condom.
We stopped dating when I slammed my door in his face once I got my period.
He knew he fucked up huge, and to this day, I just don’t get why he didn’t wake me up.
Because he’s still (albeit distantly) in my circle of friends I know that he’s not a “bad” guy, just an outright idiot.
Nonetheless, Steubenville has brought this to the front of my mind…
In that instance there’s no question that the girl was raped, and I’m glad the boys were found guilty.
In my case though I don’t know if I would consider it rape-because if he’d bothered to wake me up I would have definitely consented…
I don’t know what it would be considered.
And it troubles me that there are probably lots of other women out there who have been in similar situations.
Boo knows, and Keylime will be taught that: “no means no”, and “never when she’s drunk”, but I think I’ll have to add “even if you think she’d agree, wake her up first and make sure”.

Testing…Testing…

So today I had Keylime’s IEP meeting, and he doesn’t qualify for services because his testing was average-above average.
They’re going to keep a chart on him for each of his teachers to read and prep for him,because he does have very specific needs but other than that there’s really nothing they can help him with.
One of the funnier moments came when the Speech Therapist was telling me about a word grouping test she gave him.
She asked him to name three body parts…he chose “pancreas, ball sack, and spleen”.
After reiterating to him today that we don’t go around talking about “ballsacks”, I asked him why he picked pancreas and spleen, why not arm or leg?
He said that when he hears “body part” he thinks of the innards. Pancreas and spleen were the only two he could think of at the moment.
He was specific on ballsack because it hold the balls…
Yes, never a dull moment.